If a milk-filled sippy cup is lost, drop everything and find it.
Never, ever leave a sharpie unattended.
Always assume it's poop.
If it's annoying at the store, it will be even more so at home.
Never serve rice (or shredded cheese or crackers) if you've just vacuumed the floor.
If he loves a certain food today, the same may not hold true for tomorrow.
The moment one child smiles is always the same moment another one blinks.
Locking the door is much easier than explaining what Mommy and Daddy are doing behind it.
Put folded laundry away immediately — it's easier than refolding it.
The later you go to bed at night, the earlier your child will wake up in the morning.
Always carry lollipops.
Don't expect your child to take you seriously when you say, "Just this once."
Always kiss a boo-boo (even if there is no mark).
Never leave scissors accessible.
The moment you've realized your child has been quiet is a moment too late.
"The Clean-Up Song" only works with one percent of children.
Traveling spouses and sick tots go hand in hand.
When your child says he "feels sick," you have 1.6 seconds to jump to action.
The day you leave without any extra diapers is the day you will need them the most.
If you say something bad about someone, your toddler will find an opportunity to tell that person.
When it comes to your children, googling "it" never helps.
Your child's nasty cold will magically cure itself as soon as he steps into the doc's office.
Always pretend to eat the play food your child hands you.
As far as birthdays are concerned, there must always be cake.
Just because she refuses to try going potty doesn't mean she doesn't have to go.
More Cheerios will end up on the floor than in their bellies.
The later you are for something, the slower your kids will move.
The pricier the purchase, the greater likelihood it will get lost.
Never wear white after having children.
If you need to run to the store really quick, don't bring your child.
Spend more for fun shapes — they taste better.
Bunk beds are great in theory and bad in reality.
"Five more minutes" means anything but five more minutes.
The minute you figure parenting out, everything changes.